I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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