I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
