dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Two words: nipple clamps
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