Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
