What a fucking waste of an outfit
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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