When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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