oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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