I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
