My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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