im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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