i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
