Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
