I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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