Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize