Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
