Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
