Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
