I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
