cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
