I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
