I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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