I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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