DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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