Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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