Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
