Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
