I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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