ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
