My nipple is on Facebook.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
