the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
