Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
