You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize