I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize