I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
