Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
