and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
