oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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