Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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