Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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