last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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