Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
