The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
