Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
