Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize