Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
