Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
