Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
