and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
