And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
