"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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