I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize