You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
