She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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