the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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