dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
