Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize