The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
