so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
