Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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