it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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