I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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