I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
