Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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