So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
