I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
