i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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