if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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