You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
