You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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