i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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