my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
