oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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