Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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