a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
