Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
