Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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