he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
