a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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