Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
