I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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