Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
