STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
