Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize