Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
