I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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