Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
