Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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